Friday 24 October 2014

Down But Not Out

Upon commencement of this post I have no idea where it's going, no outline, no theme. I suppose it could be described as a metaphor for the idea which I'm being "encouraged" to adopt - "Embrace the Mystery"- in this moment I would say of that, Fuck I hate that idea!!!!!

Having said that there is not much different about my "process" - there never actually is a structure, which might well be painfully obvious to some and revealing that, a kin to a magician sharing the secret to his illusions, that would presume what I create is in anyway seen as magic and that I the writer, or you the reader are operating under some illusion. If you're expecting me to address that with some form of explanation, forget it, it's part of the mystery. I'm embracing it and therefore, I don't know.

Now, I did have a thought/observation that prompted me to think I'm going to write. At first I thought that meant to write "about it" now I'm going to say "into it." Is there a difference - "I don't know!" Who am I to say, I'm just the piano player attempting to give the music a voice.

As I was walking downtown today, round about an area of town that is punctuated with various gathering places,  a social assistance office, multiple churches which at times double as "extreme weather shelters" food banks and soup kitchens, I was struck by a gesture of acknowledgement that came often enough that it both got my attention and led me to suspect it's not random.

It could be described as perhaps the anatomical equivalent to a tipping of the hat, a quick nod of the head in passing. But what does it mean? This is not a fear response - rather a curiosity. It occurs to me this might be "expected" where there is some familiarity, albeit a rather limited expression. The thing is I don't "know" these individuals nor they I.

In a more protracted version of it there is bowing in far eastern cultures as a form of respect, there are head and accompanying hand gestures along with "Namaste" to acknowledge ("the light of Spirit within me acknowledges the light of Spirit within you") and even full body prostrations.

If this weren't so frequent or was a one off thing - I might conclude mistaken recognition like when waving to someone in a car that is waving at someone else or a "I could have sworn it was ............" scenario, instead perhaps it was their evil twin; but this happens quite frequently, not just today.

It's interesting to me that the segment of the population this involves, may frequent and use some of these places for their between religious services services, and though they might not be part of the "congregation," many may practice a facet of spirituality (even if they wouldn't consciously admit it) that would be the envy of many of the congregants if they even knew it existed, or weren't so intent on judging it's practitioners. This is not meant to be a reverse stigmatization, it's just part of my continued observation and to be clear, it's not from the outside looking in or from above looking down the bridge of my ample nose - I'm accessing some of these same "services" myself.

They say "their are no atheists in foxholes" or apparently they did when that form of warfare was in style - I'm sure there's got to be some twenty-first century equivalent that reflects the advancement of technology for waging war, but hasn't changed the fact that somebody/s going to fucking die here - when? I don't know, but it's could be any moment. There's an immediacy to that I'm suggesting and while it's technically true for any of us, in general terms, I don't think many in this part of the world spend much time considering the likelihood of it for themselves or like some on the streets, wishing for the respite of it. Having said that in this segment of the community known to some as "the visibly poor" there exists a spirit of community, fellowship, generosity and yes spirituality that one might be hard-pressed to find in a "gated-community." I qualify that by saying that of course there are generous people in these bastions of affluence - and I can't speak with any absolute experiential authority as I haven't been a resident or visitor in many such communities. I would pose the question, what's with the gate? Though frequently ornate - I never seen one that is embossed with a "welcome" sign. Maybe this is the same mindset that when conceiving of "Heaven" as though it were a geographical location - and guess what? They put a friggin' gate there too! Albeit "Pearly" the great big friggin' oxymoron in the sky! Heaven has a gate!

"Wow would ya look at those gates, those have got to be the most beautiful gates I've ever seen - what 'cha got behind those gates?"

"Why that's heaven!!!!!"

"I'd love to go an' have a look around in there - bet it's really something!!!!

"Yes indeed it is - but well...... I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but those gates are there for a reason and not just anyone can go in there!"

Take it from some one that has built so many walls around my heart those structure are not created with the idea of letting anything or anybody "IN!!!!!!!"

Cue the credits - Satirical Theology 101

My but I have digressed - there should be some structure here, is there a point to this? Of course, it's held within the mystery!! There just happens to be considerable real estate between here and there (the point).

So back to this collective assortment of individuals and their "nodding acquaintance" - despite none  existing, at least as in, prior knowing or association with each other. Is is possible that they are recognizing something that goes beyond "facial recognition." I mentioned the immediacy of those in war zones - many of the people I encounter in this particular part of the city had "war zones" for home environments and then lived various manifestations of this post-traumatic energy in subsequent circumstances that often weren't any less violent, demoralizing or traumatic, but they are still getting up and facing the day whatever that entails, which to me demonstrates a great resilience of human spirit and will to carry on. I have met many different individuals that are deeply spiritual people despite being the West Coast North American version of the "untouchables." Not everything is as it seems and many people are able to see, to perceive, that which "the majority" of others don't. Not necessarily because they lack the capabilities, but because they haven't cared to make it any priority to develop them. I believe that those living day to day on or close to the "streets," with life and death being a more present reality, may not have entirely renounced the material world, but in many cases may have a far more intimate connection with the world of spirit. Sadly instead of being embraced for their insight and guidance many of these folks are ostracized and seen as delusional, psychotic, drug addled miscreants.

As my full time pursuit of "inner peace" seems to be rapidly unraveling everything I believed was it's source and the optics of an accelerating downward spiral, threaten to engulf me entirely; I realize where I came from doesn't make me public enemy number one,  true also for the supporting cast in my story, nor does it nor did it ever, make me better than anyone else. As anyone that knows me could attest - I ain't no fashion plate, still there ain't no price for being the best dressed guy in the food bank or soup kitchen line.

Song says - "Nobody Knows You When Your Down and Out"  I'm not so sure that's true. Here in the midst of so many people that many would say, have little or no reason to continue to "let their light shine" and yet I see that they do. So maybe this passing nod in the street is a recognition of that - a gesture of: though nobody else cares to look, maybe not even yourself at times, I will, I do, and I see you.













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