Thursday 31 October 2013

Read Between the Lines

In my life it seems I have replaced the idea of right of way with, "Write the way." Does that mean I'm suggesting that which I lay in front of you in print, represents the true path - no. It's more like for me I write my way to healing and consequently I heal my way to write. Nothing I suppose unique or exclusive about the catharsis I experience through writing - the gift being, that my inner terrain becomes visible, where it can be visited by others and even by myself, sometimes for the first time.

Of course as the reader, anyone has the "right" to embrace or dismiss whatever it is I say - there is a vast universe of infinite possibility between my way & the highway. As I write I express what is currently there for me - I suppose the "danger" with insights, perspectives & intuitive supposition becoming finite upon the page, is that once suspended and rendered inanimate, the view conveyed may no longer represent my current consciousness and therefore be quoted out of context. In truth I don't even want to become dogmatic about my own viewpoint - therefore if one accepts the organic evolution that we all are undergoing - my words on a page are much like a snapshot. It captures a moment - no guarantee that returning there would yield the same picture- in fact more likely it will not.

Different facets of myself are expressed through writing - even to the point of some reflecting to me that they appreciate elements of my written voice that might not be aired in spoken conversation. I have to let go of a concern for "understanding" the machinations of my writing. In fact my critical/analytical mind at times is a hindrance to what "wants" to be said. If a connection is "allowed" between hands and keyboard without censorship then the vast mosaic that has been my life becomes accessible and can in turn become the palette utilized to "paint" with words my story.

I don't know how it works for others - I presume a vast store of wisdom and intelligence which is universally available then accessed and expressed differently by each person. For me writing has presented (later in my life I might add) as a portal and vehicle of expression. Often hands to keyboard is a bit like a key inserted into a lock, the tumblers all roll into place and the door opens. Ideas - past events and information come flooding forward (seemingly from nowhere) each finds its place in the weave as an element being utilized to tell the story (even if in and of themselves they were not part of the context of this story they serve a purpose). How does this all take place - I haven't the foggiest idea and believe me I have a mind that "wants to know." It's quite like being written - I fancy that as I become a more clear channel, that which I write might well be less influenced by me and perhaps be more "inspired" in content. Largely I know no other way to clear the channel than to write. One day I might even write something particularly significant.

What is truly significant at present, is that I both write and present my writing where it will be read. I intend to grow that in scope and exposure. It is intriguing to me that it is occurring - given I didn't "train" for it, didn't grow up aspiring toward it (though I did read quite a bit - more or less always have). The lack of formal training isn't even the most baffling aspect, if it were to be considered that much of my life I thought I was content to fly below the radar. I didn't let much of myself be known (even when I was behaving in ways that weren't particularly inconspicuous I would have shrunk considerably if I realized I was being seen). Now I recognize that there is very little value (from my perspective) of my just writing for the sake of writing if it is not going to be shared, therefore, I can't remain invisible. Even still I would say it is more now about being of service, using my gifts to their best possible potential and standing up and contributing - not so much "being seen."Just the same I must acknowledge how so much has changed to make any of this possible.

I suppose my point  is that not only can it be said, that "things are not as they seem" I would say that there is so much more to know about oneself  (and of course about other people). I urge anyone to look deeply within themselves - do not remained resigned that you know all there is to know of yourself. "The die is cast - it's cast in stone," it's just not true! Indeed you could make it true if you so choose but, if you even have a sliver of curiosity - some little I wonder if, pounce on it and follow that thread where ever it might lead. You may well be very surprised! The path you started on might not be the path you continue on (I mean I suppose it could all be seen as "the path") still very radical changes are possible along the way - if one can work on developing an increased capacity for change and the unfamiliar. (I'll be the first one to grant that isn't easy - but it can also be taken on in bite size pieces and made more manageable). Huge all encompassing change isn't necessary (unless it is).

I could write the book on stagnation, resignation, frustration and mediocrity - I could also say a thing or two about these not being the cards I was dealt. It was more the way I chose to play the cards. I am infinitely blessed to have had multiple crisis in my life - that shook me to my core and created an appetite for truth and meaning. Ever since then it has been very real - it has been mind-blowing, excruciatingly painful, blissful, joyful, exhilarating, intriguing, perplexing, frustrating - never has it been dull, I wouldn't trade this ride for anything and it's not over by a long shot!!

Lend Me Your Hands

"Oh yeah I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand,
Then I'll say that something,
I want to hold your hand."

Lennon & McCartney wrote those seemingly simple words 50 years ago - my question all these years later, is why aren't more people holding hands?
I have been considering the nuances of that most basic, but powerful means of communication and connection.

So much can be said through what it seems, is a near forgotten means of human interaction (without anyone uttering a word). I am mystified by the power of one hand held by another (strength, connection, tenderness, support, healing, leading, yielding, surrender, reaching out, giving, receiving, humility, caring, compassion) all conveyed through this simple act.

What can be said of the act of holding hands? Well to begin with it can't be done alone. It seems to me it is a most profound reminder of our common humanity. It just plain feels so good! Have you ever really stopped to realize the power, the privilege, the pleasure of one hand in another? Maybe if more people considered it more often, they might be remiss to let go. The surety, softness, certainty, sensuality, love, acceptance, compassion, reassurance that is possible from one hand to another.

Imagine politicians in a circle holding hands during "debates" - business deals done while holding hands, couples, families and neighbors discussing their "differences" while holding hands - the same with international negotiations - is it possible hearts might remain engaged more completely during these interactions, if hands were connected throughout? How could talks break down to animosity, self-interest or other forms of violence and abuse if hands remained connected?

In a day and age when media of all forms clouds the minds of the masses with imagery of explicit sexuality(so often confused with "love") one could get the impression that hand-holding is lost with the innocence of a childhood long forgotten. It might be considered naive of me to uphold what might be seen by some as a childhood act.

If one were to consider what's at stake when the hand they once held - is no longer there to hold (even intermittently) then becoming present to the longing, the mental gymnastics employed in an attempt to conjure the image of the last time those two hands met: recalling the warmth, the pleasure, the immediacy, the true significance might become more apparent. If it were nothing - it would mean nothing when it was gone. That in it's absence, it's presence is so alive, it becomes apparent that perhaps it should be given more importance and reverence.

Hands, effective implements of love or war. Is it that much more difficult to reach out a hand in love and support than it is to raise a fist in anger? Why can it seem as though love is in such short supply? If the idea can be embraced that I individually, am a microcosm of humanity, then I can offer a perspective than could be expanded. My experience is that love is not at all a finite energy - it is in fact infinite. I on the other hand have often been the hairball in the pipe (not a flattering analogy I'll grant you, but I mean myself no harm - simply a metaphor for the greater good). There is a direct correlation between my willingness to express love and my experience of it. (In fact it's probably more accurately, exponential but as I can't express that in exact terms, I'll let stand, the direct relationship). My stinginess, fear, unwillingness to express love in various circumstances in my life all contributed to the perception of a lack of love in my life and correspondingly a reduction of love expressed in the world. If my personal analogy was considered over the billions of people on the planet, a significant shift in the expression of love (one way or the other) could be experienced.

Of the myriad of ways to express love it could be said "hands down" hands are a most versatile tool for doing just that.  There is too much divisiveness, to hold hands reminds me of our interconnectedness (that at the end of my hand is you - what I do affects more than just me). Lend a hand, give a pat on the back, if a hand is out - at least shake it (a moment of love and acknowledgement might go a very long way). There is too much separateness - I believe we have been given this physical form at least in part, to get beyond our physicality, to where we all connect. One pathway is through one hand in another.

Perhaps through writing or music or painting or gardening or cooking the hands can be expressing love. Many are quick to dismiss the lyrics penned by the "Beatles" as being too simplistic - surely our complex human issues require equal complex solutions? Then again maybe just as simply as hand fits glove - "love is all we need!"

Saturday 26 October 2013

What's the Story?




A lone human hair stretches across the chilled expanse of linoleum
Forensics could identify the source follicle
Still despite self-endowed sophistication
They might well miss the story

Could they see the endless expanse of a starlit sky?
Heavenly constellations reflected and mirrored
Upon the shimmering lake surface
Conjuring a momentary wonder - which then is the source?

What could been seen of timeless walks upon the beach
A hand held in kind – volumes, expressed in varied grip
Heartbeats and respirations echoed
Upon the wind song  & surf kissing the shoreline

Could they know of an embrace so profound?
A portal to the divine presented
Hearts coaxed to open
Through love’s healing waves – torrents of tears & soul cleansing laughter

A single solitary strand of hair
Held within, multi-faceted collections of truth
Requisite willingness of storyteller & listener
Might then yield mystery revealed or perhaps just lax housekeeping.

Thursday 3 October 2013

An Inconvenient Truth

After spending what was a productive afternoon writing, I decided that I was both ready for some movement and fresh air. It so happened that the afternoon offered a sunny respite from what had been two days of nearly none stop rain (and accompanying high winds). The weather had been conducive to hunkering down to read some good books and to continue the process of what I hope, will yield a good book of my own creation.

It was a gorgeous early autumn afternoon, the sunlight was providing a warm glow to the seasonal decor upon the trees lining the streets. The roadways and sidewalks were also littered with the aftermath of the stormy weather.

The fifteen minute walk to the municipal golf course was the perfect warm up - now that I had arrived at the perimeter chip-trail I was prepared for a light run. The view that welcomed me was particularly stunning. The still wet slopes of the fairway shimmered in the sunlight. The grass, was now so green the vitality was palpable. Even before my cadence increased, a conversation, an exchange of life force began and I already began to feel my own energy level rising.

I made my way along the trail taking in the sights of the adjacent gardens now beginning to dress down after a dazzling parade of summer finery.  As is frequently the case, my epic natural world runs are sound-tracked by random music from my iPod. The arbitrary selection of music perhaps more so confirmed, as the "seasonally inappropriate" "Auld Lang Syne" commences, beginning with a single violin playing the melody, soon accompanied by a full wind and brass section, culminating in the full military band treatment as it is rounded out with bagpipes and snare drums.

The song reaches deep inside my soul and wrings forth emotion which both takes me by surprise and is particularly inconvenient, as I'm not entirely sure whether I'm prepared to share this experience with others on the trail.

I grew up listening to military band music - my dad was a musician in the Naden band.  When younger, I had been to innumerable concerts, parades, "sunset ceremonies" and a large military "Tattoo" held in Victoria back in 1967. I suppose to this day I am conflicted by my identifying with peace and the pursuit of such practices as "Non-violent Communications" and some deep connection with the music of the military (which on other levels represents war, conflict and strife in the world to me). On the one hand the precision, order and pageantry is alluring, conversely, I am enraged when I think of the control, loss of autonomy and hiearchy.

I have always particularly enjoyed the Scottish pipe bands - without ever knowing why. After all I was born and raised in Victoria, Canada (albeit adopted and for years disconnected, in terms of my ancestry), but there seemed to be no "reason" for an affinity for this music.

In more recent history I have come to know that my "biological father" was of Irish ancestry. Maybe all these years the "Celt" in my soul was awakened by the call of the pipes. (As in: "Hark, hark, the night is falling Hear, hear the pipes are calling") I remember singing that as a kid - I don't even remember where I got wind of the lyrics). Yes, I realize  that's "Scotland the Brave" - still I'm sure far enough back into Celtic history, there would be a connection (if nowhere else I'm telling ya, it's in my DNA!)

Carrying on with my run, the haunting refrain of the pipes continuing to stir my emotions,  I come around the corner of the trail and the view stops me in my tracks. One of the staples of my journey around that course, an elder in the Garry Oak community, is lying across the fairway. I had known it had been "windy" over that past couple days - but I had no idea the winds were of this magnitude!

This was no sapling - and yet there it lay, no longer the sentinel for that quadrant of the trail. A quick assessment allowed me to conclude that it had been laying across the trail, as now portions of its severed canopy lay in the brambles on one side - while the behemoth bulk, of it remaining lifeless form lay on the other. I approached closer and examined the gaping maw torn in the fairway which once was the shaded base of it's towering presence. It appears the whole trunk of the tree was rotten which likely means in relative terms, it was felled "easily" though of course it was still subject to a formidable force.

I was saddened at the sight (and loss) of this gentle giant - some of the highlights of my travel around the course are the greetings given and received by the "tree spirits"- which delineate and offer passage through the various worlds, through which the trail travels.

The oak tree figure prominently in the nature based spirituality of my ancestors - I spent considerable time as a boy in the canopy of the Garry oak in the front yard of my home. A line from "Auld Lang Syne" stirs in my memory: "We'll drink a cup of kindness yet for Auld Lang Syne." (which a "Google search" informs me translates to) "FOR TIMES GONE BY."

As I consider this - I can't say that I have absolute clarity - but I do have a sense of the "finger pointing at the moon."
It's an inconvenient truth that I am moved to tears at a public venue for seemingly no reason. It's an inconvenient truth that within my heart, I have held both love and contempt for my father (as a boy growing up). It's certainly the height of inconvenience that I have rebelled against order, discipline, precision and railed against the military, citing them as being responsible for the violence and oppression in the world, rather than examine my own heart. I even find myself in a quandary as I sit at one of the remaining vestiges from my marriage, an oak dining room table and chairs (a wedding gift from my parents) and wonder how I reconcile my love of nature - reverence for the oaks and yet another inconvenient truth, that one was felled intentionally, in order to fabricate my table.

I don't believe in coincidence - though the elements of my tale cross multiple cultures, points in history, philosophies and even dimensions, they all converge in my heart - indeed the "Pipes are calling" they are calling across time and space, they are calling for truth and reconciliation - to usher in a lasting peace. They are inviting an end to my heart as a battlefield - waging war on illusory enemies - harbouring conflicts and resentments.

I hear the pipes cry carried upon the wind - "the mighty oak" stood against and was felled, your heart was meant to carry the song of love, not a battle cry - lay down your weapons, the war is over!"

"LEST YE PREFER ANOTHER ROUND OF - FOR TIMES GONE BY!"



Tuesday 1 October 2013

Chapter 36


Day 36

As I walk the labyrinth today my participation in a Christmas choir performance comes to mind. One of the songs involves four-part harmony and as it turns out I am the only tenor voice in the group. As we have been rehearsing and I am learning my part, I am aware of the challenges of holding to my melodic line. I notice how easy it is to get drawn into what the others are singing around me. Now if the objective were to sing in unison it would sound fine, all would join in on the same melody. However the intention is to achieve the vocal tapestry of the blend of the four parts that creates something greater than it’s individual parts. Which means each subgroup (and in my case – me) must hold to their own line for the harmony to be produced.
The point of this story is what I recognize as I consider elements of the analogy in my own life. All this introspection and self-discovery are great to a point but only if what is uncovered is then brought forward into the world to make a difference in my life and the lives of others. There are parallels to the choir story. There can be a great deal of pressure (from within and without) to be like everyone else – in other words, to all sing the same melody. I believe what is intended is that each discover their own part (and then begin by living in harmony with that) and then continue to hold one’s own melodic line (path) even when subject to the influence of the distinctly different lines of those around you. I think the key (pun intended) for me is my line might be dissonant (which doesn’t mean it’s wrong) still I seek to dance in relative harmony – there is no need to clobber those around me with my drumstick – rather I continue to focus to my own beat.
The choir of humanity has been created with a wide range of diversity – does it really make any sense that this diversity should be reduced to uniformity?  I believe the diverse voices combined would produce a divine harmony –by maximizing the power and strength of the diversity, not eliminating it. The tenors don’t look at the sopranos and say “either you sing like us or get out – no, it is critical that each know their own part and stand in it – but, no one part, is more important than the whole!

 
Day 36 Questions
(Harmony)
(intended as guides for possible introspection)
1) How far should “each to their own” be allowed to go?
2) Is there a need to impose limitations on diversity?
3) Do you see the beauty of diversity or see it as threat?
4) Do you think “others” should be more like “us?”
5) Is conformity necessary for harmony?
6) If you are conforming to the environment outside you – what effect does this have on your inner harmony?
7) Does your inner harmony matter?
8) When traveling do you seek experiences unique to the area or do you look for a resort or chain franchise with “home cooking?”
9) “Globalization” what has it’s impact been around the world?
10) Are your unique gifts and talents being realized and appreciated in your life?
11) Do you appreciate the unique gifts and talents of others?
12) How does an over emphasis on competition impact cooperation/collaboration?
13) What is being “won” if doing so is at others expense?
14) Is it necessary to have someone lose – what of solutions that benefit everyone?
15)What challenges present to you when following your path?
16)Can you hold to your intention when others disagree with you?
17)Can you stay true to yourself with out behaving in a disagreeable manner toward others?
18)Do you look for a place where diversity can find harmony or focus entirely on the differences?
19)Was humanity created with so many differences only to become homogenized?
20)Do you need to give up your truth in order to harmonize with someone else?

Sample Answers (Author’s experience)
Well I can certainly attest to being aware of the challenges of being myself, in a world that seems to be intent on defining what that would look like. Certainly I’m not alone in this, nor is this something that I can address once and for all.  After all, it evolves a lifetime of discovering who I am and determining at any given time, to which of my values, will I give priority focus and attention.
Many variables influence and impact the choices I make and how I present myself. Certainly how I feel about myself figures very prominently in how I go about carrying myself in the world. There would also seem to be very little value in comparing myself to others – being more like someone else cannot result in the inner harmony I speak of. Which is not to say that for example if I desire a similar lifestyle as someone else I couldn’t attain that – I would though, want to go about achieving that in alignment with who I am, not necessarily try and follow their footsteps.
I really do value inclusion – might be as a result of feeling excluded and disconnected at previous times in my life. I have also had to examine my own judgment and criticisms and discover that I was exclusionary in my attitudes toward various groups of people, for example wealthy people and politicians. A closer look revealed I was envious of those with wealth, they had something I wanted and believing at some level that it was unattainable for me – I made them wrong and money wrong and myself out to be more virtuous for not having or wanting wealth. I might add that this line of thinking made me highly successful at repelling money (doubtful I’ll ever hit the talk show circuit speaking on that subject). As for politicians, if I disagreed with their policies, well then they were vilified, pretty simply, my way or the highway. In truth it was more about my feeling powerless to bring the sorts of things into my life, into the world that I value. I might add I wasn’t doing much about making this happen in even the smallest way – so what better target for my angst (and not a very imaginative one at that) I made the political system my scapegoat.
So I speak of inclusion while I practice exclusion. I harp about principles, all the while exercising rationalizations and justifications that only serve to reinforce my current actions and inactions. Does this seem in anyway a path to harmony?

The discovery of it, most certainly has been a vital part of coming to know more my authentic self, which I realize now, is a more assured path to harmony, provided I live it. As long as I continued to live from falsity, harmony will continue to be elusive as I would continually be out of alignment with myself.
I have come to discover the sacredness of my own heart and path, through the walking of the labyrinth – the heart and journey of others is no less sacred. The challenge for me is to create the consciousness that can hold space for both. One that seeks understanding in the face of differences, that neither surrenders my truth but also doesn’t demand of others, that they relinquish theirs.
I know this is possible I have seen it work in my day-to-day relating. Perhaps this could be said to be on a world scale, benign and insignificant. I submit that in a life that was exemplified by disconnection and disharmony, the realization of inclusion, connection and harmony is a profound shift. The ripple effect of this alone will have widespread implications and is therefore highly significant.
I can assure you that the world continually changes as I change my view of myself and not just myself on it, but myself as part of it.

Airport Hugs & Dolphin Smiles


Given the duality of arrival and departure
How then will my embrace
Convey a love that is eternal?
Across time zones
Forever changing topography
Mile upon mile of arterial fiber optics
Relay from inner space
To orbiting communication sentinels
Can they hope to transmit a limitless love?
What to make of a distance - that can yield closeness
When at times, those closest – remain distant?
Canvas a wash in white
Signifying a new beginning
How best then to dissolve resident stickiness
From the heart that seeks renewal?
Cetacean wisdom calls the divine
Into being!
As the surf stirs
Intuit, feel, flow creative, play
And so love is!

Chapter 36 (Harmony)


Day 36

As I walk the labyrinth today my participation in a Christmas choir performance comes to mind. One of the songs involves four-part harmony and as it turns out I am the only tenor voice in the group. As we have been rehearsing and I am learning my part, I am aware of the challenges of holding to my melodic line. I notice how easy it is to get drawn into what the others are singing around me. Now if the objective were to sing in unison it would sound fine, all would join in on the same melody. However the intention is to achieve the vocal tapestry of the blend of the four parts that creates something greater than it’s individual parts. Which means each subgroup (and in my case – me) must hold to their own line for the harmony to be produced.
The point of this story is what I recognize, as I consider elements of the analogy in my own life. All this introspection and self-discovery are great to a point but only if what is uncovered is then brought forward into the world to make a difference in my life and the lives of others. There are parallels to the choir story. There can be a great deal of pressure (from within and without) to be like everyone else – in other words, to all sing the same melody. I believe what is intended is that each discover their own part (and then begin by living in harmony with that) and then continue to hold one’s own melodic line (path) even when subject to the influence of the distinctly different lines of those around you. I think the key (pun intended) for me is my line might be dissonant (which doesn’t mean it’s wrong) still I seek to dance in relative harmony – there is no need to clobber those around me with my drumstick – rather I continue to focus to my own beat.
The choir of humanity has been created with a wide range of diversity – does it really make any sense that this diversity should be reduced to uniformity?  I believe the diverse voices combined would produce a divine harmony – by maximizing the power and strength of the diversity, not eliminating it. The tenors don’t look at the sopranos and say “either you sing like us or get out – no, it is critical that each know their own part and stand in it – but, no one part, is more important than the whole!