What springs to mind when considering “men’s issues”? For some it may come as a surprise that such a thing exists (at least beyond the commonly held supposition that men lie behind and are responsible for, all the world’s ills).
It may be equally surprising for some to learn that the narrowly defining criteria known, as “patriarchy” is as much a problem for many men as it is for women. The fact of the matter is that all men are not oppressive, dominating, violent and discriminatory and ignores the reality that studies show, men are 8 times more likely to commit suicide than women, statistically die younger (often through violent means). If as a society “we” should view violence toward women as unacceptable (and I believe that to be true) I would ask why is it seen as “acceptable” that men succumb to an “early” demise – either by their own hand or that of another?
Men continually bump up against the constraints created for them through ancestral inheritance, systemic expectations and societal role assignment (which means they have been created by men and women both).
Historical roles of hunter/protector are incongruent with the demands of a 21st century western lifestyle. Rites of passage, ceremony, initiation, mentorship and a place of belonging, which in other cultures are provided within a circle of men, are sadly lacking (particularly in North America). Modern day archetypes of rugged, individualistic men that are awarded the accolades of success through unconscious competitiveness are imposed upon and indeed attempt to ignore, the call of heart and soul for community, cooperation, and connection.
With scant allowance in our culture for men to effectively express grief and anger these feelings are repressed (sometimes for years) where they fester and become a toxic cesspool of energies which are then vetted upon family and society in a subversive fashion and slowly and insidiously erode the very fabric of a man’s well-being.
What of sexuality? Though I don’t have the “numbers” to verify my assertion – the degree of collective shame, the cloak pertaining to human sexuality in our culture, has many young men seeking "guidance" on their sexuality from the media and the internet – neither providing a desirable outcome.
Dogma and external role expectations are a poor substitute for the healthy expression of emotions and conscious strategies (that benefit society as a whole – not just the individual) in fact; they don’t serve any useful purpose. Unmet needs for belonging and community are met through “shadow” strategies such as street gangs. The ignoring of one’s feelings, employing instead, cold rationalization and intellectualization can justify violence in a variety of forms (physical, emotional, intellectual) from one group, toward another. The world can no longer stand the ongoing assault of these shadow personalities (& shadow groups) acting out, perpetuating their own wounds and seeding humanity with subsequent generations of victims and future perpetrators.
The spiritual path for men (as I see it) is one of healing (wounds & shadow) must be brought to the light (where each can own and become accountable for) their own anger, grief, pain and that which they have inflicted upon others.
Naturally healing dialogues would ideally occur across gender divides – but equally if not more important, is the need for men to learn to be open with and supported by, other men – for it is here that some of the deepest wounds exist.
The path then, consists of shining the light of truth and a willingness to be transparent (for dis-ease thrives and proliferates in the shadows). At all cost “spiritual whitewashing” is to be avoided – one cannot “behave” as though the shadow doesn’t exist. In fact it is at great cost that this be allowed to occur, for great crimes against humanity have been committed by these means – atrocity blanketed in self-righteousness, a deadly combination!
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