Saturday, 20 May 2017

Not Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go....

Is there ultimate truth?
Will the truth indeed.. set you free?
Free from what?
Think ye ready to wield the sword of truth?
Have you considered it's double edge?
Have you any idea what will be revealed?
Did you think you'd brandish only outside yourself,
Without seeing your own reflection in it's cold steel?
Is honesty the best policy?
Can anything remain of the "social" fabric
When subject to authenticity?
Has conditioned lying
Led to it's wholesale preference?
What appetite exists for the allowance of genuine love?
Can anything kill a conversation faster than it's expression?
Whose are the lips that dare consistently speak love and truth?
Where are the ears that long to hear it and refuse to run at the sound of it's voice?
Truth will not be held as the thin edge of the wedge
Love might well be more infinite in it's demand, than ever a splendoured thing
Can love prevail?
Even while convinced the righteousness of withholding love, after seemingly endless rebuke
Has anything but another refusal of  love, been added to your experience?
Does the refusal of another to receive,
Draw into question the truth and sincerity of the love expressed?
If your neighbour refuses to be loved ... will you still love yourself?
Is loving yourself enough?
Perhaps it might need to be ... as all that truth renders aloneness....
Returning to the truth...
Did anyone ever say ... that the journey there, would be a joy ride?
Even if the seeking of answers is futile,
Should that mean the end, to conceiving of better questions?
Whether any of this matters to anyone else,
Can I let it matter to me?

Does it matter?

Friday, 19 May 2017

Love Without End

My dear precious child
You are loved
Beyond your capacity
To fathom it's breadth & scope
The realization of this begins, with your yes.

Why do you toil laboriously
Under the misconception
That you must
Achieve innumerable qualities
Of tyrannical exactitude

You created
An arbitrary
Self-defined standard
That which
Dogs your every step

Since conceiving & embodying
This judgemental framework
You've not drawn a full breath
Resigned to the limitation
Of self-denial

You can be forgiven
The confused orientation
Most anywhere
Your eye chooses to light
Will mirror this self-deprecation

Denigrating yourself serves no higher good
Living the embodiment
Of unconditional self love
Not only fulfills the legacy of your birthright
It gives "permission" for others to do the same

There is nothing divine
Regarding a directive
That embraces self-neglect
It is the erroneous dogma of selflessness
That creates the notion, you are incomplete

A wholly accepting view of yourself
Is a holy path
Self concern (not self-inflation)
A sacred covenant
With both yourself & creation

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Sound in the Silence

The urban doorway
Deceptively concealed
A dimension
Not immediately apparent
In what appeared
A more pedestrian setting

The primal beats
Of electronica remix
Set tremors alight
Throughout the space
Animating it's occupants
Enticing the "thinking mind"
Into a resting state
While higher frequencies were enlivened

Scantily clad
Warriors from across
The collective gender divide
Brandishing all forms
Of tribal insignia
Were navigating
The war within themselves
In order
To set human limits aside
While seeking to access
The power
Of the sleeping Gods

Muscles tensed
Sinews recoiled
Stored energy
Dynamically released
As bodies glistened
Guttural expulsion
Of exertion's excess
Dripped from the walls

A cooling respite
Through an open door
Ushers in
The battle cries....
 The warriors
Of yore

Eyes glisten
Whilst homage
Is paid
Blessings acknowledged
In an awakened passion
Battles rage
Even now
Objective since lost,
For the collection
Of heads

For what have you
Awakened the sleeping Warrior Spirit!!!

Sunday, 14 May 2017

Heart Sought Reconciliation

What is there to celebrate in the presence of absence?
This day in May
Where florists
Employ inflated market leverage
A retail cacophony
That regardless of revenue streams
Will always be too little .. too late

Is there a day
An hour
A moment
Where the feminine, women and motherhood
Should not be received in awe
Touted for their staggering heroism?
The answer is unequivocally - NO!
Yet the calendar is delineated
To imply, the waking hours of one day
Can offer this acknowledgement

How then to celebrate
A relationship predicated on non-aquaintance
A second - steeped in
The animosity and hostility
Of unhealed rage toward the masculine
Of itself, fashioning
An evasive target, of love and approval

To begin Hallmark standards of love
Are renounced
A definition of far greater breadth & depth
Must be considered
What might a soul's development
Require from such an environment?

Clearly arrival was successful
My undying appreciation for that!
I will never know the impact upon you
Of being asked to carry to term
And surrender upon delivery
I pray that yours is now,
The embrace of peace.

Could a more perfect recipe
Be conceived
To foster the need to generate love from within?
The angst and yearning
The most exquisite grist in the mill
Which set in motion
An incremental
Seeking, developing and balancing
Of the feminine within

A self sufficiency
Incubated by a sacred skepticism
The need to cultivate
A trust in the the balanced power
Of divinity within
The misuse of masculine/feminine energies
Identified as erroneous beliefs about "Power"
A door to liberation
Identified therein

An invitation to abandon victim consciousness
 Fictitious agreements and love paradigms
Has defined my life
 Been both wake-up call
And "reason" to get up in the morning
It has been both, the pain
That drove me to court taking my own life
And to seek the Source of all life
Until my life and that, could receive the same reverence.

A soul's journey has a different set of marching orders
A path defined by divine love
Might consist of twists and turns
That at first blush, may occur
To be cruel
And devoid of compassion
When they have at their roots
The intention of calling
The highest of outcomes

Calm waters
Have never produced
A worthy mariner
Bound wings
Will never soar
A love that fosters dependance
Can hobble - rather than empower

So on this day
We celebrate
The launching
Of a life
That seeks
As though the life-blood itself
A soul-aligned
Of unique and authentic

And two souls that
Gave the performance
Of their lives
To establish
My sacred trajectory

Happy Mother's Day!

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Life of Dreams

Can you "live the dream..?"
While maintaining a view
Through a lens
Forged in the habituated
Expectation, of catastrophe?

When will the power of bliss falter
To overcome dread, of the "falling shoe?"
What determines the presence of fabulous
And what is one's capacity, to let it in and live in it?

Has any consideration
Been directed to
Your "worst case scenario"
Being the fabric of another's dream
Or beyond the threshold
Of what they hold as possible?

Exactly what conditions
Would be required
To elicit excitement
Or appreciation?

Ask yourself right here, right now...
What is the likelihood
This spectrum of criteria
Will come together today
Collectively and entirely?

Who was it
That decided
To  blacken Polly-anna's eye?
Why is defeatist thinking
Seen as realism?

Do you have any idea
Regarding the incidence
Of daily occurring miracles
That make possible
That which you consider
A failure?

Why is there such
Undying faith
Placed in purposelessness
 And a non-supportive universe?

Why is expansive possibility
Seen as"sticking your head in the sand,"
When a non-committal approach
Is ignored as the causative factor
In failing to elicit the help of Providence?

Maybe a life of joy
Is connected
To the generation
Of some joy, for life?

Maybe Life
Could be seen
As a muse
Rather than
A scapegoat?

 It's time
To stop vilifying

After all
 Histories visionaries
Were those
That refused
To abandon
"Living the dream"


Thursday, 27 April 2017

Ode to Donegal

Could I hope to pay fitting homage?
Does a sojourn of such brevity,
Yield a heart aptly informed?
So lyrically, deftly wielding palettes of guilded words,
Writers & inhabitants of yore
Capture landscapes & limitless horizons
Impressing them in a scripted weave
Commanding the imagery from the page
Coaxing an immediate connection to the immense beauty
Acquaintance breeds the want of familiarity
Songs of absence lament like no other
Eliciting the longing pangs
Of soul-wrenching agony
Defying time elapsed
To bring the ease of forgetfulness 
Donegal, though not steeped in your splendour
I can neither render my heart's tongue be mute
Nor neglect to exalt a muse of such grandeur.

Sunday, 23 April 2017

A Rose by any Other Name.........

Taking stock of ancestral and "familial" lineages that have impacted my existence or perhaps defined that; which I might consider for reconciliation, presents a formidable undertaking. Consider this journey of my "self-discovery" is undertaken without prowess in sciences (human or otherwise). Then again, despite the "wonders" that can be attributed to science; it is most certainly not the only lens through which to investigate life, and might impose more limits, than provide insights.

Gathering what seems at times, to be the ends of gossamer threads and then pursuing their lengths; instead of providing the firm bedrock upon which to base some tangible purchase, is more like trying to scale a cliff-face, grabbling hold of the unraveling sleeve of a sweater.

Woven into the story could be the age old debate around "nurture versus nature." Though my further descent down the rabbit-hole; is shaping for me a recognition, that there is no lasting solution/answer/resolution, to be found in polarizing "either/or" viewpoints.

I currently am possessed by a surname that rather than represent my "forebearers;" is that of my adopted parents. It forms part of my legally binding "identity." Despite that, (even by humanities inordinate classification complexities) it is superficial at best; and represents nothing of my ancestral history, albeit it does contribute to my biography.

So then I was conceived and carried to term as a "Draper" I was adopted by a family of "Mason's" (Hendy/Mason) & I strongly believe my paternal lineage to be "O'Neill. This is based on information obtained through a DNA test and a historical reference made in the results I received. Mason & Draper are documented and as such verifiable - O'Neill presently lacks the same irrefutable "proof." The DNA info reports: 99.9% Western European comprised of 87.5% (Irish/British), 3.3% Scandinavian and less than 0.1% French/German. The paternal ancestry is said to be Irish (highly concentrated in the North of Ireland) the maternal "British" (which seems to me a rather broad brush stroke).

I don't know enough about genetics to know if the 87.7% Irish/British would be comprised of an equal 50/50 split between the lineages. Really, the only point in knowing would be to determine a premeditated preferred outcome (along nationalistic lines). I absolutely have had curiosity regarding ancestry for a good portion of my life. However, there is no getting around it; beyond my Canadian "nationality," my ancestry is split in some fashion.

At the same time as I become more aware of the roots of my origins in terms of nationalities, culture and history etc.; other facets of the same spiritual journey, deepen my awareness of the potential divisiveness, that can arise, from any & all categorization, that humanity chooses to view itself through.

It would be all to convenient to try and ignore/dismiss ancestral history opting to affiliate myself with a romanticized version of my background. Of course this would allow for disassociating myself from any particular aspects of a national or historical background, I might find objectionable.

One one hand as a "naturalized Canadian" one (I) would have precious little history, given "Canada" as an idea is only one hundred and fifty years "old" this year. In many ways the country was founded on the worst possible elements of human history - i.e. a framework of patriarchal colonialization. For many like myself - offspring of European immigrants/settlers we are lacking any living legacy of our heritage, ancestry, culture, spirituality; as frequently there was no attention paid to it's preservation.  In some cases the "younger generation" renounced their roots; in other cases either pressure to conform to the "societal constructs" of the "new world" or a want to "leave the past in the past" and start fresh.

Even as I become aware of and able to "identify" my ancestry - I haven't been "steeped" in any of it.

Another recent awareness that came my way even as I'm writing this, is that the, what I'll call "blanket categorization" of "British;" (being relatively recent) can be broken down further.... to reveal origins from any of a variety of different "source cultures" which have their respective concentrations in various parts of Britain.  This info came via another genealogy site that had a post on Facebook. What that means, is that whatever percentage comprises my maternal lineage; (which as I said was indicated to be "British," can likely be further subdivided) to what end.... won't know unless I look into another test.

For personal interest and to answer life long curiosity this information serves a useful purpose. Verifiable "evidence" would be useful and/or necessary, should I ever want a passport or citizenship in any of these countries of origin.

Beyond that the numbers & statements such as: I'm .... percentage this, my family has been here since....... all has the potential to be a big ego trip... I'm not saying there's anything wrong with national/regional pride (but beyond a certain point, it most certainly can become extremely divisive!)

When I consider what can be seen, for this discussion, as the two main branches of my ancestry - Irish and British..... right away an obvious long standing relationship of conflict, violence, oppression, victimization & exploitation is brought to mind - one that I have been becoming more "educated" about through museum's & walking tours (led by individuals that were directly involved in parts of this history) - I suppose we are all "involved" in the on-going impact of this history. Whoever my father was either himself immigrated from Ireland; or perhaps was a Canadian born son (or even grandson) of Irish immigrants - either way most of those that immigrated to "the Americas" did so under considerable duress - from various aspects of "all this history."

If I had been in the part of the world where this was all actively taking place at a particular time in history.... I suppose I would have been the off-spring of a forbidden relationship. (a real world Romeo & Juliet scenario - except they conceived a child, rather than their respective demise). Such unions produce individuals that are then, not welcome in any camp (not being pure of race).

So the wounds, the continued mindsets, beliefs and attitudes make sense in the context of this history. But... and I'm not looking to dismiss any groups suffering, grief, loss or deny the tragedy of these long standing histories - however, if beyond the ongoing cycles of vengeance (which I believe to be a fruitless pursuit)  the seeking of freedom, equality, civil rights which should be "human rights" the basis of these things being denied, the racism, the genocide, is all based on ideology of purity of origin etc. that may rarely if ever exist beyond the "superficial" and the perceived power and entitlement of one group - it is all imagined (not the violence, oppression, torture or any of the atrocities that are justified during war, occupation and displacement  - those are the very real results of upholding these imagined mindsets).

To continue with the illustration of my ancestry (again assuming the simplistic Father - Irish & Mother - British) I could spend the rest of my life researching, listening, interviewing people from "either side" and no matter if there was a clear "good guy" and "bad guy;" I still can't extract myself from my own, conception reality. So then to hate one side or the other is to hate myself. These things play out in the world as though they are so "black and white."

The seeking of peace (for me) seems to necessitate seeking beyond the confines of human ancestry for the source of the healing/forgiveness. There is a need to recognize that I must acknowledge, own and reconcile, the energies of all sides of the wars within myself. So then, I have been the victim, the oppressed, the marginalized, the exploited, the persecuted... but so to, I have been the perpetrator, the aggressor, the racist, intolerant, tyrant... I have caused harm in anger and acting out my fears. It is useful for me to know; how my various wounds or ancestral inheritance, might be underlying how I believe, and conduct myself. However, there is nothing to be gained by my continuing to look outside of myself for the "reason" I behave these ways.... the buck stops here!

I imagine it would be an uphill journey to say the least, to have nationality, ancestry, history, culture etc. cast aside entirely. Given it has been suggested that we are "spiritual beings having a human experience" - the carte blanche renunciation of the human element; might well be contrary to any relevance of humanity itself - if indeed any exists.

Different facets of humanity, collective strengths and developments; have come through in different parts of the world - often born of necessity. Still I don't think any one ideology should reign over others; especially where viewpoints of inequality are upheld. It seems to me at this place in "history;" humanity is, as perhaps never before, calling for the best of what all cultures have brought forward, to be woven together for the good of all.

"We" are all in "this" together. Maybe "To the victor goes the spoils" should be more deeply considered? Is there actually any lasting "victory?" How long will the "losers" continue to accept their lot? Considering the further definition of "spoils" and it's negative connotation it's interesting that it was chosen to symbolize the reward of lust for power through oppression and denying the human rights of all. Perhaps the term was no accident ... it is derived from the unconscious knowing that the seeds of these beliefs/behaviours contain the rot(spoils) they will ultimately produce.

The considering of these matters and subsequent written expression; represent as a whole, a significant sense of vulnerability for me. I don't claim to have arrived (even for myself) at the "bottom-line" and therefore I'm not the voice of ultimate truth. Examining this for myself and within myself "cuts very close to the bone." Just the same, repressing and hiding my voice seldom serves any greater beneficence. Writing this has been uncharacteristically "tough slogging.." I have been on the verge of deleting it more than once.

If there is any credence in "ancestral inheritance" and the carrying forward of energetic "materials" through our respective lineages - then even geographical displacement doesn't prevent one from being impacted by historic nor possibly current events.

Maybe name and address have far less significance than what they are assigned.

As such for me.. I'm present to an ironic blend of pain, and potential freedom while pondering that.